Stressed Out, Burned Out, and Maxed Out!

Navigating the Chaos. Strategies for Leaders to Reclaim Energy and Purpose.

Have you ever felt like you were drowning in responsibilities in the midst of chaos and uncertainty?

Or…

Have you ever felt like you were constantly tired, had difficulty focusing, and that, no matter how hard you tried, you simply could not find hope and positivity?

That is the difference between extreme stress and burnout.

Lately, I've been connecting with leaders who are having feelings of “too many," and also with those who are experiencing a mentality of “not enough."

Let me explain…

Stress is about having “too many” elements of your life that push you to your limit physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Burnout is about “not enough”. Being burned out means feeling like you are simply “not enough”. It manifests itself by a feeling of being drained and overwhelmed, not being motivated and simply not caring – unable to feel hope.

If uncontrolled stress feels like you’re drowning, burnout is a sense of being withered and dry. Most people understand when they are stressed, and yet many are not aware of when they may be burned out.

Of course, chronic stress can and will lead to burnout over time.

I remember a young executive with one of our clients who was also a mother of two and seemed to fit the description of metaphorically “burning the candle at both ends." She worked long hours and, on the weekends, at home with her family.

The quintessential “superstar” at work, she advanced through the ranks very quickly and found herself in the position of vice president at the age of 30. She was so good at what she did that her team would routinely come to her, not just with questions about a project but with not-so-subtle requests to “help” them complete their work.

She was not only incredibly talented and intelligent, but she was also self-sacrificing and always tended to put other people’s needs before her own. So, she took on both her own work and the work of others on her team.

When we started one-to-one coaching with her, her Harrison Assessment immediately pointed out that she was self-sacrificing and this had led to severe burnout.

She told us she felt exhausted all the time, even when she woke up in the morning, and couldn’t figure out why.

As we worked through a plan to help her, her first epiphany in the process was…

“What you allow, you teach.”

She had essentially been teaching her team that they could come to her and she would either fix or just outright do their work in many cases. Because she had allowed that behavior to continue without setting appropriate boundaries, her team simply assumed that was acceptable.

When she diplomatically and yet also assertively set new boundaries for the work environment, to her surprise, people accepted it and started to be more creative at finding solutions on their own.

Of course, she still had daily interactions with her team members and yet, since proper boundaries had been set, she was finally able to focus on her own work without so many distractions.

Action Item – Balance your “helpfulness” with your “assertiveness”. Equal parts of both traits create a “mutual helper” who assumes less stress and lowers the propensity for burnout.

Then we worked on doing a workload audit to define “urgent” and “important” tasks. She found that many of the things she thought had to be done right away were simply not high-value tasks.

When she understood how to focus on the things that were important and also had high value return, it freed up time and, amazingly, many of the “urgent” but low value things didn’t seem to “pop-up” out of nowhere so often.

Action Item – Learn to focus on tasks that are important and yet not urgent. It will free up time and you will decrease the number of stressful “crisis” situations and “surprises” that you may spend a great deal of time dealing with now.

Then we helped her to reassess her goals, values, and overall behavioral tendencies. This obviously required some deep thought. She redefined how she wanted her life and work to be able to mesh together and yet also have a level of autonomy from the other.

She was still a highly motivated, ambitious executive and yet, she was able to find a higher level of control in every aspect of her life that she told us had been missing. She said she started to let her values define her behaviors, which helped her make choices that allowed her to be fully present in both aspects of her life. A fully present mind contributes to clarity and focus.

Action Item – Think about what is important to you, why it is important, and what you want to achieve in all aspects of your life. What values define who you are? When you discover not just what you want but who you are, govern your behaviors by finding the “Why” behind what you do. What really motivates you?

We also worked on…

Taking “micro-breaks” after periods of intense focus (coffee, tea, a short walk outside, deep breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth, etc.).

Finding small victories even in the midst of the most pressing deadlines or stressful circumstances.

Learning to be more vulnerable in appropriate settings to talk things out.

Find the small joys and things to be grateful for and use them as references to calm down a racing mind.

Within a couple of months, she said she slept better, did not work so much on the weekends anymore, felt more grounded both at work and with her family, and, ironically, got more done in less time because she felt rested and energized.

In a turbulent world, sometimes it takes slowing down to speed up.

For tools and resources, visit: https://www.situationaltraummunication.com/coaching

Contact me for a complimentary discovery of how we can help you and your team achieve more productivity, experience lower levels of stress, and release the creativity, energy, and effectiveness of your organization at all levels.

Ryan Gallik, Managing Partner of The Mental Hygiene Project.